Operation over

Hubby's operation went fine. He's okay, not that well, but he's okay. Hopefully they got all the cancer out but we'll find that out next week.

One thing I've realised over the last few days (as expected, it's made both of us extremely reflective) is the difference between the family and friends who are supportive and loving, and the ones who clearly don't really give a shit.

I have this "friend" who I've been really thinking of giving up on lately. And today has given me a good reason to not bother anymore. I've been friends with her for years and years and she's always pissed me off. I guess she's the type of person who gets called "emotionally retarded" because even though she's smart - she's a lawyer - her ability to see things from another person's point of view is non-existant. Today she called me in the middle of the day, just after Gav's operation (which I sent her a long sobbing email about earlier this week) and after I told her about the operation and how I very feeling so tired (I'd not slept much last night), she asked if we were still going out for dinner tonight.

I was flabbergasted! (I don't think I've ever used that word before but it seems appropriate). We'd planned on meeting up for dinner a week ago - before we found out about hubby's cancer - what the fuck makes her thinks I'd leave my husband in hospital and go out for dinner with her?! And there's more - she called me from her work - which is about 10 minutes away from the hospital - but was there any offer to visit??!

I swear to god - I was so furious with her. I just thought "that's it".
I'm sick of making excuses for her bad behaviour and blaming it on her emotional spasticness and inability to relate. Sometimes you just have to call things what they are - she's selfish and self-centred and that made me so bloody furious. She's supposed to be one of hubby's friends.

On the other hand, my mum is the best. She's been so supportive, she's always treated hubby like her very own baby boy and he really appreciates it. So is my lovely young cousin, Tam - they've been there for us every step of the way.

I've also realised - due to the phone ringing non-stop for the last few days - that we're very loved and that friends and family show their true colours when someone is in need. It's been great to hear from people saying that they'll be thinking about us and praying for us - I feel really lucky to have so many people in our lives who really care.

There's been a handful of people who seem to be great at helping with the practical things too - making sure hubby has someone to drive him to work since he wont be able to drive for a little while, making sure we have food in the fridge, making sure I still get through my PhD! I'm so thankful!

Speaking of that - the reactions from my two PhD supervisors have been so different. One ignored my knock on her door yesterday (I knew she was there) and never replied to my email telling her about hubby's condition and that I still really want to get through this PhD this year even though this may delay things a little (with a strong hint to read my fricking work and get it back to me!). The other said I could go over to her house this weekend and that she's read the things I've sent her. Hmmm, I can just see what my PhD acknowledgement page will say...

Another thing - we don't have health insurance. I was planning on getting it when we have a baby, but since we're under 30 (no tax incentive), fit and healthy, and, as yet, kiddy free, I saw no point. So thank God we live in a country where that doesn't matter. I don't have to pay a cent. The last thing anyone wants to worry about when having to deal with the shock of the dreaded "cancer" word is how on earth to pay for all the costs involved. We had great treatment at the hospital, hubby was lucky enough to get his own room, and our doctor is a fantastic bloke and a great surgeon. He came looking for me after the surgery and explained everything.

Sure, in the future if we need anything elective - say, IVF (I really hope not - I hope he doesn't need any further treatments that may sterilise him), or a boob job (lol - nah, I have great boobs), or a hip replacement when we're old and croaky - then yeah, that's the time we'd make sure we had private insurance or we'd wait forever to have any of those procedures done. But for this, since this is an emergency procedure. we'd be treated the same - it would'nt really have made a difference if we did have insurance. And I'm glad for that. Bloody glad.

Oh - and as for all the emails I've not replied to - I'm not ignoring anyone, I just haven't had much time to get my head around them all and reply to each individually! But I feel the love and am so very thankful for the support. Thanks guys, luv you.

Look at me rambling! I'm happy the operation is over. Now, it's just a waiting game to see if the cancer has spead.

btw - he looks fine with one testicle. Seriously, men's genitals are weird anyway. I think he's happy too - he seemed to think he'd look all strange and was really upset about that - he said it was like losing a boob (except that a missing boob is harder to hide). But he looks fine.

My poor angel boy - he was so delirious after the anaesthetic. He kept asking the same questions over and over. When I left him tonight, he was feeling a little sick and had thrown up, but I've spoken to him since, he feels better. For me, I really feel the pain that he feels in my own way, it's really hard for me to deal with this - in the middle of the night, I crept out of bed, locked myself in the bathroom and cried hysterically yet silently as to not freak out the cancer patient. It's hard.

And so I'm all alone at home - which is weird. I'm so used to spending every single moment of my evenings with him. We're one of those couples - joined at the hip. It's lonely. I miss my baby, I hope he's okay, I hope all things will go well, I hope the test results are postive.

And we have some bluddy fantastic family and friends.

Thanks for all the supportive comments from all of you too. x