"The concept is absurd. The idea that we can only be complete with another person is evil! Right?"Agree or disagree? I'm often accused (by my mother) of being too obsessed with my husband. Too clingy. That I do everything with him in mind. That I don't seem to want to go anywhere without him.
I myself don't think I'm that bad.
I actually see myself as fairly introverted and kinda solitary. Although I might hang out with him physically all the time, I actually hang out with myself a lot more - here, in my head. If that makes sense.
What I'm saying, is that I don't need him to complete me. I think he's a great husband, he's fun to live with, he complements me, and I love him very much, but I don't need him to feel complete. He doesn't penetrate my mind and soul in some passionate, intertwined, metaphysical sense. He's just my sweet Hubby who's a top bloke and all-round good guy.
Or am I missing something? I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being alone, but do we inherently need another particular person to truly be complete?
8 comments:
I think that most people are better off with someone else, if they find the right someone. People aren't perfect, they can't do everything by themselves, and one of the great things about a truly outstanding relationship is that each person brings different strengths to the table, and complements the other person's abilities.
My $0.02.
Right, after reading that line, I'm now going to watch those movies... prolly because I couldn't agree more with that quote. Though I'd stop short of calling the idea "evil", since I don't believe in moral absolutes: perhaps just "misguided".
I've said it before: you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else. And if you're happy with yourself, you're less likely to need anyone else. This idea of "completion" is much the same as the concept of "closure" for me: the only person who can give you closure is yourself. Likewise, the only person who can "complete" you is yourself (if such a thing is even possible).
DISCLAIMER: I speak only for myself. Any similarity to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental. No animals were harmed in the writing of this message.
No you don't fundamentally need to be with someone to be complete. But me, I'm a much nicer, better, generally more stable with my hubby than I am without him. I think he also gets a lot from me too, I keep him moving and out of ruts, he keeps my feet on the ground and reduces my overall anxiety. It works, but it's not like we couldn't live without each other, we just choose not to.
I was alone before the mate and I am alone again. It's do-able. It's just not enough for me. I hate being alone all the time but I like solitude a lot.
Figure that one out and a find me a man that can deal with it...LOL
It is not completion a partner creates for you, we are never completed; always changing and growing. It is support, emotional and physical, sometimes even spiritual.
Mostly it's knowing that someone is always there for you when you need a boost and that you care that your mate is all they can be enough to give them a lift when they need one.
Enhancing, embracing, empowering and irreplaceable them. http://forwardho.blogspot.com/2005/07/true-love.html
Team work, partner, mate, what ever you call them, there is a satisfaction in commitment when it is right that can't be experienced as a single person.
No, you don't need the paperwork, just the love, respect and commitment to never harm your friendship.
Alex doesn't complete me. I can be quite happy without a man in my life, too. However, he certainly makes my life better and more enriching, and that's why I'm keeping him.
I think people focus too much on getting a mate, though. Is it better than being alone WHEN IT WORKS???? Yes. But a person can be just as "complete" alone as with another. And the one thing worse than being alone is being with the WRONG partner. I think when people search endlessly for a mate, they often panic and settle, and then everybody's unhappy. What's so bad about solitude and knowing all the stuff in the refrigerator is yours, and will still be there when you wake up tomorrow?
I'm pretty well off on my own. It's not that being alone makes me unhappy...quite the contrary. At the same time, though, there is something to be said for ego stroking that comes in the early stages of a relationship. If that can be maintained, and if you compliment each other rather than detract from one another...then it's a go. If the relationship turns poisonous...then there can be the "you destroy me" feeling...the opposite of the "you complete me" feeling. And that's bad.
SC - yup - the complementing each other thing - that's very true - it's about having different things to add to the relationship.
Jo - my dear, that's wise. And I think you need to reach that stage - where you're happy with you - before you can be truly happy with another. People fall when they think they need another to prop them up and be happy.
Valerie - "I hate being alone all the time but I like solitude a lot." - I completely understand that feeling - I'm the same. And I've read that post you linked to - it's very, very true. You have a lot of wisdom to pass on to others about relationships and how to make them work.
Dee - Hmmm, I'm still trying to decide whether those movies were beautifully romantic with a dose of reality, or self-indulgent try-hard fluff. I guess they could be both. And I agree - you need to be happy first - you can't rely on someone else to make you happy.
Ginchy - "'m a much nicer, better, generally more stable with my hubby than I am without him." - yup - me too.
Kira - "what's so bad about solitude and knowing all the stuff in the refrigerator is yours, and will still be there when you wake up tomorrow?" - I love that!
Laura - I think everyone loves that ego stroking - it's wonderful really. And yes, it needs to be maintains - especially if the persons involved are in any way insecure. Like me. Praise me!! lol
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