Not long ago, the lovely Jill wrote a great post about the men she's dated.
For everyone, it's funny/sad/embarassing/painful (select whichever is appropriate) to look back over past relationships and to see things in retrospect.
The thing with me is that I don't have those horror stories.
No one was bad to me, no one was mean, selfish, horrible, mental or dysfunctional towards me.
I've been lucky enough to attract nice, kind, good people - all lovely - and I really don't have anything bad to say about any of them. But at the same time, I still understand what it's like to feel hurt, broken, damaged and used. I've just been hurt, broken, damaged and used in the nicest possible ways! lol
Jill wrote about how wonderful is was when she finally met her husband. She said the difference was that everything felt easy with him. That she "just felt...loved...and OK to be myself." That's exactly how I feel with my husband. It's comfortable. Safe. Warm and cuddled.
It's nice to feel that secure. It's nice to know, and be confident in the knowledge, that the one I love won't hurt me and will always, always love me and care for me and be there for me. I think it's one of those things that everyone craves.
6 comments:
That's really interesting because most of the women I know have been trampled on pretty meanly at least once. So, perhaps we need to send our single girls to Australia to look for love? I knew I'd always liked that sexy accent for some reason... =o)
OR maybe it's just that you have such a good attitude about things that you always see things optimistically. If that's it, I applaud you. Negativity is very draining, and if you can rid yourself of it, I think you must be very wise and strong.
Yes, you definitely have to count yourself extra lucky to have found a great person right away. way to many of us have way to many horror sotries, even us guys :O(
You've just described the nirvana of all relationships. I'm blessed to have found my wife, for we have precisely the kind of safe, warm and cuddly relationship you described here.
I count my lucky stars every day.
I don't want to say that I feel protected when I'm with Alex because it sounds like I'm weak and I NEED somebody to protect me. That's not it. But...it's how I feel. He loves me. He wants nothing to hurt me. And he accepts me just as I am. Even the funny and annoying little quirks I have are loved by him, even if they get on his nerves from time to time :)
However, I think I'd specify that it's great when we find the one who won't hurt us DELIBERATELY. No matter how hard I try to never hurt Alex, I probably have at some point and probably will just because of this damned thing called "being human." But I never, ever WANT to hurt him! And that, I think, is the difference.
JPD - well, I'm sure there's just as many bastards here! But seriously, it's often harder to move on if they *haven't* been mean. If they've broken your heart in the nicest possible way, they've still broken your heart. You just can't hate them. And it's sometimes easier if you can hate them.
chief - I suppose I am lucky. And you know, the horror stories - they can be good stories to tell in retrospect.
doc-t - okay, you've been emailled and I am waiting to see how mean, selfish, horrible, mental or dysfunctional you can be towards me.
carmi - awww, you're right - the nirvana of relationships - good way to describe it.
kira - I know the feeling. Protected. It's nice. Really lovely. As for this bit: "Even the funny and annoying little quirks I have are loved by him, even if they get on his nerves from time to time" - I'm gonna blog about that one.
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