I think my usual reaction to when things get tough is to pull away. To not talk about it. Not blog about it. To just pretend it doesn't exist.
But ranting is therapeutic. And the feedback from you guys matters more than you know.
I read more blogs than I have a chance to regularly comment in, and even when I don't get a chance to comment at all, I'm always here, reading your words. And I'm struck by all the crap that everyone has to deal with.
Some of you are doing well, considering. Shit happened, and now things are picking up.
Some of you are having wonderful, well deserved things happening in your lives. I'm really happy for you guys.
Others are in the middle of a whole lot of crap.
There's all different sorts of things happening. Sometimes I wonder how you cope, sometimes other people say they wonder how *I* cope. Sometimes reading about the stuff happening in another person's life gives me a shot of perspective for what I'm dealing with right now.
It serves to remind me that no matter how stressed I might feel about some things, in the whole scheme of things, it will work out - somehow. Not that any problems aren't real, it's just that things are out of my control. I just need to step back and do what I can do and not stress about the which which I can't control. That's it.
Some shit happens because the people you trusted let you down - that hurts deep. Other shit happens for no reason at all - and that's equally hard to deal with.
I feel like I've aged over the last 12 months. That I've done more growing up than I've done in the previous five years. I feel like I've been put through the wringer in a million ways.
I know, I'm babbling, but it's either this or I'll keep it all inside and explode, plastering bits of human flesh all over the room. (Yeah, this is the point where I realise I'm slightly delirious.)
I'm feeling slightly pissed off at people who complain about their non-problems. Gawd, today I had to deal with someone telling me how upset they were about someone saying that they'd do something and then not doing it. And this crap story went on for ages. And I do not have the patience that I used to have for hearing out this sort of stuff.
I know that everyone's problems are real and even if they seem stupidly trivial to me, it's real to the person feeling it because they can't help how they feel. But sometimes I wanna say, "you think *that's* shit?! Look at the shit *I've* had to deal with!!" And I wanna point them to some of your blogs and say "see this person, they had this happen, and then this happen, and then this happen and they're still lovely and joyous about life, just sadder than they used to be."
But fuck, I don't want to get bitter - but it's the direction I'm heading down and it sucks.
I know. This makes no sense. And maybe *I'm* the one who really needs a dose of perspective. But I just need to let it all out.
4 comments:
You HAVE been through a lot in the past year. You're allowed to rant all you want.
Just don't leave an explodey mess behind.
(I don't think "explodey" is a word, but you know what I mean)
Hang in there, Jezzy. And rant all you want. Sometimes it does help. Human nature is just flawed, so people let us down sometimes. All we can do is do our best and keep going. I hope it's better tomorrow.
If you can dump the frustration levels by ranting here I say RANT ON!
Really, Jezzy, try to set some priorities and handle the pile one thing at a time as much as possible.
I am still having to remind myself, per the mate, 'Do one thing until it's done, THEN go on to the next.' as I tend to do 5 things halfway at the same time.
I know it's not a lot of help, sometimes it just all comes at once, but it at least makes me decide what is really important to me and THAT is what I choose to deal with.
A glass of wine might help, too!
Try to chill a little so you don't blow a fuse.
Poor kid! Thinking of you1
It's perfectly OK for you to feel the way you do. Like you say, it's been a hell of a year for you. Rant all you need to, hopefully getting it out here will help.
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