More randomness

1. My parents are coming home tonight. They've been overseas and
haven't seen our new house yet. Yay - can't wait to see them!

2. Last night's attempt to walk home from the train station was a bad
idea. The walk to the new house includes having to walk under a rather
massive bridge to get to the pathway that goes over it. I've done it
during the day and it's beautiful - the view is sparkly and lovely.
However, trying to do it at night was not good! There are no street
lights under the bridge and therefore it's extremely creepy.

At one stage I was thinking that this man was following me. (I have a
very vivid imagination.) I kept looking back and seeing him and
freaking myself out because there were no houses around to run to and
I was trying to decide whether he was going to rape me or steal my
ipod (the things we think when we're stressed!). I'm also covered in
mozzie bites now - itchyness!

3. I'm still not quite happy with the job. Been there for 8 months
now. It's not a bad job, I just miss my PhD friends (and using my
teaching/research skills) and I'm not part of the "in" clique here. It
sounds very childish, but I feel like I used to feel in highschool -
rejected. The girl who doesn't have many close friends. I know it's my
own fault for being so guarded - people can't relate to me. *sigh*

4. I have a mozzie bite from last night in an unmentionable place.
Pervy mosquitoes. It's freaking itchy!

5. I have this thing with birthdays. I really believe that people
should be made to feel special on thier birthday. I totally judge my
friends on how they treat me on my birthday! I know it's childish, but
it's my thing.

6. I hate work politics. It's so childish. It reminds me of being in
highschool again.

7. I found a box of postcards, letters etc from previously boys in my
life. I guess I never felt *that* strongly about any of them, but it's
strange that I feel nothing now. I think they were nice, but I can
barely remember what they looked like.

8. This is probably the Catholic in me, but when bad stuff happens to
me, I still think that it's punishment for having been a bad person.
Yes, I know it doesn't work that way - it's a very fundamentalist way
of thinking and I'm not that type of Christian - but it's how kids
think, and these things stay in one's head. I've had a pretty bad year
this year, and I still think it's my own fault and it's because of all
my mistakes and bad decisions and selfishness.

9. It's strange how time changes everything. I get scared about not
remembering and therefore I'm always reading old emails and diary
entries, just to remember what I really thought and felt and what
really happened. Memories aren't terribly accurate and I don't want to
lose that connection to the way things used to be.

10. I still hate money stress. I keep finding new problems. For
example, we didn't close off the old bank account, we just withdrew
most of the money. And hubby forgot to change the direct debit for his
car repayments so it came out of the old account which didn't have
enough money for it. So instead of rejecting the payment, it goes into
debit and we're charged a fee and a huge amount of interest. Grrr! We
are pissing away money at the moment on fees and charges because we
can't get things sorted out. I know I'm going on and on about it, but
those of you who have been through this sort of crap - I know you
understand the feeling.

11. I can't wait to see my parents tonight. Look - they go away on
overseas trips every 6 months, but this time it just feels like
they've been away for ages and I've been so stressed with everything
and I hope that can help bail us out just in the short term and I need
their support and I need to whinge to them. Yup - I'm such a selfish
child but I miss my mummy and daddy!

12. I wish I wasn't so trusting, that I wasn't such a doormat, that I
knew how to say "no" when people use me, that I knew how to stop
caring. Being shy and sensitive sucks. It was perfectly fine when I
was doing my PhD but it isnt' working for me in the corporate world.

13. I'm at the point in my life where I don't quite believe
compliments. I think that most people don't say anything nice without
a hidden agenda. I hate to sound so negative because I do like most
people, but truly genuine compliments are so very rare.

14. I never admit when I've been hurt. I just brush things off and
pretend it's fine. It's a terrible habit. I really wish I could say
"you hurt me!" But I don't want to make anyone feel bad.

15. Even though I'm pretty down at the moment (which probably shows),
I'd still rather be me than anyone else.