On Friday night, we tried to set up a friend with a guy who seemed, at
first, to be rather suitable for her. It turned out to be an absolute
disaster.
Let me explain.
(Names have been changed to protect the innocent.)
Mandy has been single for almost three years following the break up of
a seven year relationship.
She's 28, a lawyer, smart and blunt. She's not a girly-girl – choosing
to eschew skirts, makeup, heels and hairdressers in favour of comfort.
She's busy with her job, studying for her Masters degree and her
various sporting commitments. Intensely practical and to-the-point,
she's not the type to flirt or attempt to win over a guy by going out
of her way to be nice. But there's no bullshit about her, she's honest
and very real.
Another friend of ours, Nina, decided it would be nice to set Mandy up
with Nina's boyfriend's friend – a guy called Nick.
Are you still with me?
Okay. Well, we all met up for dinner on Friday night – Hubby and I,
Nina and her boyfriend, and Mandy.
Nick turned up late.
And drunk.
Very drunk.
His first words were "if this is boring, I'm leaving." And it went
downhill from there.
Don't get me wrong, I had a *great* time. I thought the whole thing
was so cringeworthy that it was hilarious.
Mandy had no idea we were trying to set her up with Nick and was
totally confused when Nick kept saying things like "I can tell she
doesn't like me. I think the feeling's mutual. It's just not going to
work out between us. What's your name again? I find you very
attractive but I don't think things are going to work out between us."
He was one of those guys who thought they were oh, so, uber-deep. I
had the misfortune of sitting opposite him, so the majority of his
"deep thoughts" were thrown my way. Or towards my cleavage anyway.
His conversation went like this "The most important thing is life is
to be happy. It's just so important, to find happiness. Everything
else isn't important, but you must be happy." Cue long,
verbal-diarrhoea rant about
women/life/happiness/relationships/women/relationships/women/happiness
ad nauseum.
Oh please!!
He then went on to give way too much detail about his sex life before
turning to poor Mandy and saying "the reason you're not interested in
me is because you're too busy with your lawyer-chick work. Shuddup
lawyer girl! You are so busy with your job that you can never be happy
and can never meet men."
Cue shocked look from Mandy who usually never misses a beat.
I said "What makes you think the reason she wouldn't go for you is
because of her job?! And what makes you think she's not happy? And
what makes you think there isn't anything wrong with *you*?!"
And on it went. Eventually he got into a fight with some guys at the
table next door by making an extremely crude comment regarding one of
their girlfriends.
*sigh*
So...
Q1: Why is it that I know so many intelligent, honest, good-natured,
independent, terrific women who can't seem to find a decent man in
this city?
Q2: Are all the men leftover by the time you get to our age total
freaks - or are we just less willing to settle?
Q3: Are all the decent ones married/ stuck in live-in relationships/ gay?
Q4: What gives some men the impression that this kind of behaviour is
going to work for them?
13 comments:
*omfglmfao*
This sounds like it was penned by Carrie Bradshaw herself! (That's compliment, by the way.)
Maybe he's one of those guys who only loosens up after a few (too many) boozés?
Q1. Men are intimidated by assertive, motivated women. Full stop. Sorry, but it's true.
Q2. Our age?
*coughnoteventhirtyyetcough*
Q3. Funny, I usally ask a very similar question... which ends in "straight".
Q4. ...for all we know, it does...
P.S. I'm not a "leftover"!
I'm a "sent back to the kitchen"!
Q1: Why is it that I know so many intelligent, honest, good-natured,
independent, terrific women who can't seem to find a decent man in
this city?
For the same reason I know so many intelligent, honest, good-natured, independent, terrific men who can't seem to find a decent woman in this city. All the decent people tend to group together in packs...
Q2: Are all the men leftover by the time you get to our age total
freaks - or are we just less willing to settle?
Nope, but your cause is hurt by your gender's tendency to gravitate towards the "bad boys" at a younger age (don't give me that look, you know it's true), while ignoring the truly honorable and nice men until later age.
Q3: Are all the decent ones married/ stuck in live-in relationships/ gay?
A large percent, yes.
Q4: What gives some men the impression that this kind of behaviour is
going to work for them?
Because younger women reward guys who treat them like crap by sleeping with them. (This is the leftover of my bitter college days talking here...)
In general, I've noticed that really successful women sometimes have trouble attracting a mate for one reason or another. I have a friend who is incredibly smart (doctor), earning gobs of money, cute as all get out, and still she has trouble finding a guy who is not a complete headcase (which is funny since she's a psychologist). If your friend lived around here, I'd do my best to set her up with someone, but the commute would be a bear (what is it, almost 24 hours each way?)
All the good men live in Canada.
I will second that.
I didn't know my ex-husband was in Sydney! But on to your questions...
Q1 - it's the phrase "decent man" that's tripping you up. Remove decent. Men are easy enough to find.
Q2 - Yes
Q3 - Yes
Q4 - A man who behaves like that isn't worried that it'll "work" for him, he's worried about finding his next drink/next hole. Sorry, but it's true. Sadly, there are enough people out there willing to be the hole.
Hmm it seems there's a reason why no one's swept up that catch yet.. hence his singleness.
It seems like if you don't pair off early, you're stuck wading the knee-high swamp of scum in vain. Depressing.
""the reason you're not interested in me is because you're too busy with your lawyer-chick work. "
OMG...THAT is simultaneously the funniest and most pathetic thing I've read in a very long time. I just don't know what to say!
If she is "looking" get her to check out Plenty of Fish. A great free dating site! :)
See, it's moments like that one which make being a lesbian look more appealing!
If your friend is a redhead, I recommend a younger man. SC can back me up on that...redheads have better luck with younger men ;) Seriously, though, I had to find mine in France, so obviously the good men aren't hiding in South Carolina, USA. Even the married and/or taken ones here never have impressed me. Maybe they are all hiding in Canada. I have family in Calgary, and I have to say that the guys there do seem to be an improvement from what I've seen over here.
Q1: Decent men have become an urban legend.
Q2: Personally, I've become less willing to settle. Of course, I'll die old and alone because of my decision.
Q3: No, some of them are dead.
Q4: Because some stupid woman settled for a stupid man, and the rest of the men said, "hey, we can be losers and still get laid!"
I was having convos like this with friends five years ago... but fortunately 3 of my friends found great guys this year and are getting married this spring. Sadly, two of the weddings are on the same day, so I only get to attend one of those. But the main thing is, they are good people and even though they felt like it took forever, they finally met good people to spend their lives with. All three are very educated, self-sufficient women. (Two with MAs and one with almost a PhD) I don't know if it takes longer for women who focus on an education first or what. I did it all backwards, so I can't really comment on the normal way of doing things.
I just hope the horrendously horrid man your poor friend was set up with doesn't discourage her too much. She sounds great, and SURELY there's a good man out there for her somewhere.
Regretfully I have to agree. There is a major shortage of decent men in Sydney.
"I can tell she
doesn't like me. I think the feeling's mutual"
Oh man, that's gold. Pure gold.
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