Things change...

The last week has shaped up to being the worst of my life. But I don't even want to write that, because I don't know what further news we'll get by the end of this week. Right now, we're playing a waiting game until we hear hubby's test results and what the oncologist has to say.

His urologist is a terrific doctor. We've decided that we love him. lol
He's been such a kind and caring person.
When we first saw him last week, and he broke the bad news to us (I mean, there's no good way of telling someone "you have cancer") he patiently explained the process and told hubby that he'd have a good prognosis and called the hospital straight away to fit in his operation as soon as possible. (All of the hospital staff we encountered were fantastic, by the way, they were really nice and took really good care of hubby. He also had his own private room which was great - especially since he had loads of visitors!)

On the day of the operation, the doctor came to see hubby before the operation to see how he was feeling. Hubby said he was scared they'd take the wrong testicle out so the doctor drew a big red arrow on his left leg pointing to his left testicle and said "is that better?" lol

He came to find me straight after the operation to let me know hubby was okay which was great because it was another 1.5 hours before hubby would leave recovery and head back to the ward and it saved me from waiting too long and wondering. Not all doctors are nice enough to do that straight away.

He also came the next morning to see hubby and check that he was okay to be discharged. It was Saturday, and he was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. That was so good of him, most consultants leave discharge to one of the house doctors and don't come in on weekends if they're not operating!

We're lucky that way.

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It's been an exhausting weekend.

But hubby is such a good patient. He's been great to take care of. There's been no whinging, no irritability. He gets sad and he cries - especially when he has to talk about having cancer to anyone - but all in all, he's had such a positive attitude and that's so important when getting through things like this. He just needs lots and lots of cuddles (gentle ones!) and kisses and pep talks. (And my pharmacist ability to regulate his pain medications effectively. lol)

Yesterday was the first Sunday of Advent - we put up the tree. It looks great and really cheered up our apartment. Well, that and the many bunches of flowers - mostly really colourful gerberas plus a few bunches of summery natives.

I've been doing all the driving (I really don't drive much, usually leaving that to hubby and catching a lot of public transport myself) and I'm such a crappy driver! lol - oh well, at least I'm getting more experience.

We've been spending a lot of time with the family and the phones are still constantly ringing - it's so nice to have so much support from family and friends.

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An update on me - I've done hardly any work on the PhD - I guess priorities change. I'm not so wound up about finishing on my self-inflicted due date. I'm doing fine and I'll finish when I'm ready.

I've also been applying for jobs for next year.

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What Barbara commented after my last post is right.
Through these experiences, you learn about a brand new type of love.

While I've always totally adored hubby and been very truly in love with him, those feelings was nothing in comparison to how things are now. And I think it works both ways - with the way he feels about me as well.

It's hard to explain, but what a feel is for him is stronger and more overwhelming than anything I've ever felt.

Maybe it comes with the thought of losing him. Or maybe it's the strength of "we can get through this together - we've been through so much already" - I'm not sure.

But I wish I could take away his pain - or I'd wish it all to happen to me instead. But then, I don't think I'd want to put him through the pain that I've been through.

So all in all, there's always some good in whatever bad happens. It's a cliche, but it's very true.

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Hubby's one of those people who believes that things happen for a reason. He believes that this has happened to make him reflect on what's important in life and he believes that he should now help others who are in the same, and worse, situations. He's been praying for healing and guidance and surrounding himself with his loved ones.

I'm not quite the same, my scientist side says that life is just a bunch of things that just happen. What I think is that it's how we deal with those things and respond to them and learm from them that makes us grow us human beings.

I guess at the end of the day, both those ways of seeing things are fairly similar because we both think that:

1. We're stronger people now. We can get through anything together.
2. We've come to really see who cares for us and whom we can rely upon.
3. Things will never be the same again.