(She goes for number three!) Insecure.

Okay three posts in one day.

I don't expect you to read them all, so take your pick and comment on whichever takes your fancy.

The first post was a rather superficial summary of the last few Christmassy days where I totally neglected to mention that I cried throughout the church ceremony or that I really loved the time I spent with my family - so therefore you can't accuse me of going all soppy on you! x I also forgot to mention that Australia's richest man, Kerry Packer, died today aged only 68. Which goes to show how important good health is.

The second post was a rant about the father-in-law where I forgot to also mention that he steals my chocolates! Waah!

This third post is going to be about my insecurities.

Why not, eh? I'm far from perfect, so let me tell you what goes on in my head - the things that I know are dysfunctional, but of which I refuse to change.

This was all triggered by my father-in-law who seems to openly make pervy comments about the appearance of random women - most of them younger than me! He's almost 60. Grossness! But even if he wasn't old, I find it really inappropriate that he'd make such comments with me around.

Hubby never does that. And I'd never go around making comments about random hot guys in front of hubby. It's just not necessary.

It's fair enough if he was with a group of men and they were putting on some "I'm more masculine than you" act by making comments about a woman's appearance, but what the hell am I sposed to say if the father-in-law tells me "check out the legs on that one"?!

Yuck!

I couldn't imagine hubby acting in that way. He has more respect, and I don't even think he thinks like that - he's just not like that. He's more of a gentleman.

Gawd, I don't even want to know if he did think like that. If hubby said "Cor, her tits are fab!" about some random chick walking down the road, I'd be furious! That's horrible!


I don't want to know his opinion regarding any other woman except for myself.

I hardly even know anything about his ex-girlfriends - and I'd like to keep it that way.
In my head they were all ugly and stupid (even though they prolly weren't) and I don't need any more details.
I hated that hubby used to have FHM calenders with semi-nekkid women hanging on his bedroom wall when we first got together - so he took them all down. My opinion is that if he can see me naked, why on earth would he need to have posters of other women?

Further thoughts:

I like that hubby has only ever been in love with me.
He never fell in love with any of his exes - they were all short term and superficial enough in nature that he broke up with all of them by not speaking to them for a few weeks. We were pretty young when we got together and I'm glad he hadn't accumulated any relationship baggage. I refuse to be compared to other women, I refuse to be anyone's second choice and I refuse to have to deal with knowing that my boy had loved someone more than me or even equal to me. Cannot fathom it.

I like that hubby seems to think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world even though certain realities would contradict this opinion. lol

I know he looks at p0rn because that's what's done in his particular male-centred workplace, but I'm glad that he finds it stupid and more likely to be a source of amusement than a turn-on.


I know all this makes me seem insecure when I need not be, but I can't help the way I am.
I guess I just want all of him - and that includes being the absolute centre of his attention.

Therefore, if hubby acted even remotely like his Dad, I'd get all sooky. I'd hate it.

I don't understand how some women can pretend to perve on other women with their partners and egg them on. I don't understand how some women can think it's okay that their partners look at p0rnography - especially when they're not with them. I don't get any of it and I really wouldn't put up with it.

Does this make me particularly different to other women?

I can't cooly turn away and not care if he thinks someone is prettier than me. Nup.

Yep, you can tell me I'm insane, but I'm sure all women have some sort of insecurity regarding their men. It's not that I think he's going to cheat, or that he'll cease finding me attractive - I don't think those things at all - he's devoted as ever - I just like him to focus all of his thoughts of that nature (love, lust, any of it) towards me.

Is that so much to ask?