Thursday, 15 December 2005

What women want: A guide for the menfolk

1. Chocolate. But only the good sort - none of this sugary, tasteless el cheapo crap. A few select pieces of lemon myrtle dark chocolate from a specialist shop is much better than a family sized block from the supermarket.

2. Flowers. Yes, I know it's a cliche, but surprise gifts of flowers are lovely. Except when we're suspicious of you and except when you've been behaving like a dog and want to suck up to us - we don't buy it. But gifts of fragrant flowers are always lovely. And we like it more if you then get the vase out and arrange it for us. You should know our favourite type.

3. Letters and notes. The written word means a lot to us. Get some help if you have a limited vocabulary. You can't do a whole lot with monosyllables.

4. Tell us how you feel about us. We like that a lot. We especially like it if you've developed some unique way of saying "I love you" like Westley yelling out "As you wish!" as he tumbled down the hill in the Princess Bride. That kind of thing causes heart flutters.

5. Worship us. For we are goddesses. I'm serious. And that's all I have to say here. If you can do this, you're doing well.

6. Do housework without being asked to do it. Also, do at least 60% of the housework - we need to feel a little spoilt and we like telling our friends about how wonderful you are around the house. Make sure you do the ironing. We hate that.

7. Give us loads of attention. But don't smother us. It's a fine line. You need to be aware of what mood we're in in order to achieve this one successfully.

8. Buy us things. Just little gifts. Yes, we like diamonds and the such, but we're happy enough with something simple and inexpensive too. But make sure you get us things that show you listen to us and know what we like and what we're into.

9. Brag about us. To all your friends and family. Tell them how wonderful you think we are. Often. It's tres flattering for us even if it makes others feel a little nauseous.

10. Foot massages. Leg massages. Back massages. With fragrant oils and the such. We especially like it when said massages lead to something else...

Okay, agree/disagree? Have I missed anything?


Anonymous said...

Um, that about covers it, methinks. I've never known a woman who wouldn't dig a guy who delivered the items on that list - although one lady I knew once was allergic to chocolate.

Well, there is one more, but perhaps it's covered in number 10, and what it leads to: but if a guy will do numbers 1 thru 10, AND learn how to make his lady shiver and meow, I maintain she will be his for life, without exception. Of course, if he does numbers 1 thru 10, number 11, ahem, comes pretty easy. That's all I'm saying.

Good list.

NWJR said...

I think you nailed it pretty good.

I used to have a phrase: "Flowers Fix Everything". I think the floral industry should use it as a slogan.


fudgebumpkin said...

I loved Westley!

The Princess Bride I can watch repeatedly for many a day!

Kira said...

No, that's about my list too! Except since I have children, I have "love my children as if they were your own" on there too. Fortunately, Alex hits all of those ten plus that special #11 for those of us with kids :)

Amanda said...

Excellent list!! I'd settle for a man who meets half of that list.

Squids said...

Nailed it except what about loads of grog.


deemacgee said...

Why is it that women only ever preach that women are entitled to, or deserving of, these things? I hope you girls reciprocate all these things with your partners...

SobieQ said...

Jezzy I am sending my boyfriend to your site to read this. He needs to learn what to do. I completely agree with your list... especially about flowers. It is funny how the simplest things seem to make me happy, like opening doors or telling me I look good when I was trying to.

Oh and an asside to Deemacgee, I agree. Last night I took my boyfriend on a "date". I picked him up, gave him half a dozen roses, opened his door, introduced him to my friends, complimented, and bragged about him all night. I think he liked it.

Jezzy said...

Thanks for the comments, all.

btw, deemacgee, woman are like cats - we will give endless affection to those who pamper us, but we will not follow a set of rules. x