Thank you online people!

So both Kira (OMG – she's alive!) and general_boy have recently
written posts about the people they've met online.

I've had this post sitting in my email drafts for ages and in light of
their posts - and as it's almost the 3rd anniversary of this blog -
here's where I finally get around to finishing this and letting you
all know my own "people from the Internet" story...

The first time I did that new "chat" thing on the strange World Wide
Web thing was back in 1996.
My brother was/is a techno-geek and we were the first in our
neighbourhood have an Internet connection. He spent a lot of time
chatting. A lot. I tried it once or twice but it had no appeal – I
couldn't get a sense that anyone else was a real person. So I didn't
bother making friends with anyone online for the next few years.

Meanwhile, my brother went through a series of "girlfriends" from
different time zones.

It was always the same story – he'd be spending too much time online,
then we'd start receiving late night phone calls from these random
girls. It would go on for a year, they'd make plans to fly to each
other's country and meet up - and it never would happen, then they'd
have some argument and break up. And then the process started again.
(Oh how I teased my geek brother mercilessly for that!)

It wasn't until I was getting bored with the PhD that I started
spending more time procrastinating online. I worked long hours. Mainly
because I was lonely. I was in a long distance relationship with my
now husband and I didn't have that much more going on in my life. So I
stayed at work as much as I could just because it meant I was around
friend and I didn't bother getting home until dinner was ready (I
lived with my parents). Sad? Yep.

During that time, I discovered Internet forums and found that they
were really good fun.

By 2004, I'd met a few people on the forums who I considered to be
real friends. It wasn't like the randoms on the chat sites all those
years ago, these people were fun and good to spend time with and I had
a lot of time on my hands for them. There was very much a sense of
community in the various forums I then joined. There were the leaders,
the followers, the sneaky bastards, the stupid-as-hell, the weirdoes
and the lovelies. I loved it!

By then I was married, happier, trying to write up my thesis and I no
longer worked long hours. Posting short comments on forums was the
perfect background distracter while I worked on a PhD I was so over!
It made the day flow by just nicely.

I'm still in contact with two people from those foruming days – Steph
and Jim – and you can see links to their blogs over there on the
right.

In August 2004, I started this blog. I had first heard about blogging
from Ginchy who used to work with me in the same research office (see
my links section). At first I didn't count on using it to meet anyone
new, I just used it as a diary to vent – it was essentially private.
But then, I realised there was a whole community out there on Blogger
too.

Random people were writing me comments about things I had written. It
seemed weird! They seemed to be interested in my drivel. I thought
that was really strange at first, but then I thought it was fantastic
– and I started reading links through to new links and finding all
sorts of interesting people. I found that blogging gave a better sense
of who people really were. People wrote things they thought but maybe
didn't say or freely show about themselves. I liked that. It was like
distilling people down to their interesting bits.

By 2005, I was writing at full speed.

I used to check my stats all the time back then, I linked to loads of
people and I wrote with the attitude that I was providing
entertainment to people. I spent ages blog surfing and commenting on
blogs and finding new people to be friends with. I also spent a lot of
time writing and choosing just the right words to gain the desired
effect. It was The Art of Blogging, I suppose. I actually really liked
writing like that.

Sadly I don't have the time for that anymore, but that kind of
blogging was good fun.

I met such interesting people that I'd never have been able to know so
well. People of all different ages, backgrounds, beliefs and from all
over the place.
And now that I don't have the time for all of that, I've kept my links
to just a select group of "Special Ones" (citing the george song) –
people who I genuinely care about. All of you are really special
people.

I suppose it's almost like growing older and finding out who it's
worth staying friends with and who just gets lost along the way. It's
not that I don't care about the people I used to read and who I've
lost touch with. It's just that I don't need lots of readers these
days – I don't have the time or energy to nurture all those
relationships – so I keep in touch and read those who I find lovely or
sweet or interesting or funny or intriguing or all those things. And
that's nice.

I also got to meet up with Jodie who doesn't have a blog (but should!)
who contacted me after following a link from Ginchy's blog. That was
great too.

I like how this blog has changed along the way. I've changed the
format, the colours. I've deleted it and stuffed things up. I've taken
breaks from writing, I've blocked access to archives. I've also quit
posting pictures of myself (figuring that this is the only place
people won't choose to like or judge me based on what I look like).

This blog has also changed mood over the years.

To use a cliché, I've dealt with a lot of demons since late 2005 and I
no longer write to entertain other. I write, perhaps less well,
perhaps less often, but perhaps more desperately – to reach out and
vent and know that I have some sort of support out there. Which is
also fine, I suppose.

I think you all are great. I really care about your lives and the
people you care about too. I might not be the best commenter, but I do
read all your posts.

So, in the lead up to this blog's 3rd birthday – I need to thank you
all for reading my words and supporting me and making me smile. Thanks
for all the friendly comments and the time you take to read and write
here. And thanks for doing all those things without even knowing me,
meeting me.

It's really rather humbling.

x