There are people who bring out your best, and others who bring out your worst.
I've found myself hanging out with someone quite a bit who really doesn't bring out the best in me.
It's not out of choice, mind you. It's hard to avoid someone you work with and who seems to like hanging out with you. It's nice to have someone who feels they can confide in you, but I really don't feel the same way back. It's just too bitchy for me. The more she bitches about the people around me, the more i see those people in a different light.
And i don't want to be like that.
I don't want to be the type of person who spends each lunch break bitching about people who I really don't give a shit about! Things just bother some people more than others.
On the other hand, other people in my life are so good for me. I might not always agree with them 100% of the time, but I feel good spending time with them. I like being with people who are genuine, not high maintainence, not petty.
At the start of the week, I wrote a list of the people I'd love to spend an afternoon hanging out with. And then I crossed off all the people who would spoil that afternoon. Without a doubt, they were the ones who are self-obsessed, who wouldn't make the effort to get along with my other friends, who I don't feel that comfortable around because they need to be impressed.
But then i felt bad about excluding the people who don't meet my criteria.
After all, I'm no angel.
I can bitch about people as good as the next former private school girl. It's in my blood!
Maybe it's not up to me to pick and choose the people who I am friends with. I have many lovely friends, but I also have friends who I only seem to spend time with because of proximity or history or because they're a stupid, self-centred, shallow little daddy's girl who annoys the crap out of me but who just happens to be dating my husband's business partner.
I suppose it's more important to be aware that some people are good for me, they help me learn about myself, they have things in common with me, they make me feel comfortable and liked. Others are people I just have to deal with. Some people are toxic and I should make sure i have my shields up in their vicinity. And others just seem to be there.
It's different in the blog world where it's easy to pick and choose people I like and ignore those who i can't be bothered with. It's completely different, actually. The whole way of fitting in and making friends and being a friend.
But all that's a completely different post...
As for now, I just need to learn to set the mute button in my head when people say things I don't want to hear.
7 comments:
I know exactly what you're talking about here. It is entirely possible to hang around with someone who brings out the worst in you. But for me, it was still always my own choice to sit around with a negative attitude or to be mocking/sarcastic/etc. The good news is, once you pull away and find more positive people, you just naturally feel more positive. And that brings out the best in you. =o) Good post!
I was just thinking about this very thing. I have a friend and I'm finding it very hard to be around this person lately. She's just very self absorbed and a bit bitchy. I'm sure I'm also a big bitch at times but generally I accept that people have faults and get over it. Anyway, this friend just makes me feel ...not so nice and like you, I'm a bit confused what to do about it.
I think that making themselves feel better by being critical of others is fairly common for humans.
I am trying to learn to encourage them to see the worth in themselves without comparison.
And to keep my mouth shut.
Hey Jezzy - I'm here still...lurking as always. I just wanted to tell you that I finished Girl with the Pearl Earring about 3 weeks ago and am now reading Fallen Angels. How odd is that?!
a stupid, self-centred, shallow little daddy's girl who annoys the crap out of me but who just happens to be dating my husband's business partner
ouch!
No, seriously... I am giggling. ;)
I work with a guy who honestly has a heart of gold... he'd do anything for you and has certainly helped me out of a couple of tight spots. He's also bloody smart and doesn't take any crap from anyone, but his one vice is bitching.
There are 2 people in particular he saves his wrath for, and while I agree... they mostly deserve it, I do find the negativity wears me down sometimes. But I listen to him and nod in agreement, because when all's said and done I have a lot of respect for the guy.
Maybe it's human nature to let our own insecurities manifest in a bitchy, negative way. But we learn from the good and bad experiences, and sometimes the toxic people teach us more about who we really are (or who we want to be).
No, I totally agree that it's easier to be the person you want to be if you hang out with folks who are also like that. I can list off a few people in my life who brought out the worst I had to offer the world, and the best thing I ever did was to remove them from a sphere of influence. Sometimes we can't, but I think just being aware of the negative influence the other person has is good enough to counterbalance much of the effect. The seed has been planted: "I don't want to be like that." The plant will grow, and it will come to pass.
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