I was fortunate enough to see Neil Gaiman on Tuesday night at Macquarie University. He read a new short story called something like "How to talk to girls at parties" from the upcoming Fragile Things. It was fantastic - very much his style - and it was most enjoyable to hear him read in his own beautiful accent.
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Okay - today I totally embarrassed myself at work. We were doing a fundraiser- Australia's Biggest Morning Tea - for the Cancer Council. There was a representative from that organisation there. She thanked everyone for their support and then proceeded to talk about the way cancer changes people's lives and the need for support services etc etc etc.
And silly me, standing there near the front of the crowd made up of absolutely everyone from the company, started to cry.
Gawd - how stupid. I mean, I couldn't help it obviously, but I'm usually rather restrained, I keep to myself - I am not terribly emotional in public. So to do something like that was mortifying for me and I just felt drained and self-conscious for the rest of the day.
Plus - I had to put up with the well-meaning people saying "are you okay?" and all of that. I hate showing that side of me in public. Now everyone's going to be talking about me and feeling sorry for me and all that shit.
I feel stupid and I need a hug.
12 comments:
*Hugs*
:D
Net hugs are the best. You don't actually have to physically be near someone, and the fact that you've never even met me and therefore me being a total stranger doesn't have the same freaky implications.
Best wishes for you and Mr Jezzy!
Brat. I love Neil Gaiman.
:-)
Hugs!!!!
I did that this semester, although I had a lot going on. My lab instructor for stats asked me to stay after class. I thought I totally had everything under control, even though some bad things had been happening. He said, "The reason I asked you to stay is that I noticed your grade has just kind of... in the last couple of weeks." (During the ellipses part of the sentence, he did a crashing airplane motion.)
I started bawling like a hysterical baby. I was soooooooooooooo humiliated because in my entire life I have NEVER, EVER cried for any teacher. (Even though as a teacher, many students have cried to me.) Well, he felt really sorry for me, I guess, because he totally saved my butt and taught me the whole of stats so that I wound up with a B in not only lab, but the big lecture class.
But I was mortified that I had cried like that. I couldn't even talk I was was so upset.
I forgot to say - you have every right to cry if you want to. You shouldn't be embarrassed at bit. I don't think anyone who knows you could think anything other than you have been unbelievably brave.
I hate crying in front of anybody, ever, but I have to say that my ex trained me that way. If I started to cry for any reason, he'd scream at me that I was doing that on purpose to make him feel bad, and to stop being so manipulative. It made me EXTREMELY self-conscious of crying in front of others. I've perfected the sob silently technique now. I don't even move my shoulders. I found out the hard way from my ex that he was smart enough to realize I was crying if I moved my shoulders. So! I have mastered the ability to just cry with tears in the corner of my eyes, wipe them away silently, and not move other than that. Before my ex "re-trained" me that way, I had an experience similar to Angie's when I was an undergrad. Long story, but I felt totally humiliated because I was sobbing like a little baby in front of my teacher. I just couldn't stop it! I think that's the part that made me so mad: I had no control at all.
However, that being said, there's really nothing wrong with crying when something moves you. It's a problem only if you cry at everything instead of that which is most near and dear to you. Still, I DO understand why you don't want the "are you ok?" stuff from the others there! Put a sign on your head that says, "I FEEL GREAT!" and see if that stops them ;)
hug
hug
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;-)
HUGGGGGGGS coming your way jezzy. I think it might have been almost impossible for any sensitive person not to cry at that point!
And yeah, Neil is cool, listening to Neil talk is cool, having Neil sign things, also cool.
And having Neil agree that there isn't really good sushi in England, priceless :P
Fudge - thank you, my dear. You're right - you don't have to be physically near someone - and sometimes virtual hugs are just as powerful.
doc-t - I already replied to you. Thanks for that laugh. x
nwjr - :-) It was the bestest - you'd have loved it.
JPD - it's just so mortifying. I hate the thought of people feeling sorry for me or thinking that I've got some issues or something. Yes - in front of a teacher is terrible. But I'm the same - when I've was teaching students, I had quite a few cry to me - and I totally understand how embarrasing it is for them.
Kira - At least the "are you okay?" stuff is better than people pretending that nothing is happening. That's even more embarrassing!
Jill - Awww - I felt those. x
Amanda - Yes, as long as I don't go overboard and cry at *everything*!
Ginchy - I am most jealous. You actually got to speak to him! Doesn't he have the most dreamy voice?
I got to speak to him very briefly while he was signing my books. he does give good voice in a transatlantic kind of way!
Cool - lucky you.
Do not be ashamed because you have a caring heart - ever.
If more people freely showed they cared for others there would be less need in the world because we would fix it.
At our State Rally for the bikers we contribute to the Rainbow Connection, a charity for Michigan Kids that grants wishes and, through and extended program, continues to arrange events for the family of dying children.
One of the boys we were helping was there when we passed over the check. When they had said thank you it was announced he had always wanted to ride on a motorcycle.
A big burly biker rode up to the stage and the boy got on behind him, with a little help. His smile, as they rode off with him waving to the crowd, makes me tear up still and I am not ashamed.
By helping others we gift ourselves with joy and them with what they needed.
Heart on sleeve here, too.
Awww, thanks Valerie. xx
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