Went out with friends to Billy Kwong's (Kylie Kwong's restaurant) on Sat night.
Food was delish (rich crispy duck with start anise and peaches was
positively orgasmic) but the place was crowded with these ridiculously
small tables and it was kinda expensive. Anyway, had a good time.
Got into the conversation of "Can you ever be friends with an ex?"
Answer by most was "no, you can't. It's too weird."
Answer by one was "you couldn't pay me."
I thought that it was fine to be friends with an ex, as long as you:
a. Didn't hate them/ weren't left broken-hearted.
b. No longer wanted to sex them.
Guys have the weirdest take on this theme.
One stated "how are you supposed to be just friends with them? What
happens if, say, you go bra shopping with them and they ask how they
look in various bras? You can't exactly say 'totally hot', can you?"
Who the hell goes bra shopping with friends, especially male friends
who are not flamboyantly gay?
It's too personal, like going shopping for swimwear – probably loads
of fun when you're 18 and fit, but utterly soul-destroying once you
develop the body of a real woman.
I replied that he'd therefore have to be friends with girls who he
doesn't find attractive - to which he said "what's the point of being
friends with ugly people? Who hangs out with ugly people?"
Sigh.
Is it possible to maintain a functional relationship with an ex and or
is it better to completely write it off?
8 comments:
I'm friends with one of my ex's. He's the exception to every rule though. I really wouldn't want to be friends with any of the others. There's a reason they're ex's.
Depends on the ex. I had one positively evil boyfriend, Jim, who I know I will shoot on sight should I ever have the misfortune of running across his path again. I get along ok with my ex husband typically, even though he frequently gives me a reason to throw him off a cliff too. I sort of HAVE to get along with him though (custody of kids issues means I have to get along with him for the sake of the kids). MOST of my exes, though, I get along fantastically with and are friends with. Quaintly, though, I never took ANY of them bra shopping :P My first real ex, my boyfriend when I was 14, is still a wonderfully close friend. Dan is a hoot, and I really enjoy spending time with him when I can. I can think of at least six other guys I dated who I love, too, and get along with great. So, I guess I get along with most of them...just not all of them...and I see nothing wrong with that.
Hmmm... kinda hard avoiding them when your ex is one of your wife's best freinds! Lucky we all get on like a house on fire. She's a great gal, and her husband ( my replacement LOL ) is also a tops bloke!
You can as long as you have very clear boundaries.
It's very easy if you are both at a loose end, or drunk, and you start talking about 'the good old days", to start sliding over into dangerous territory.
Having said that, most of my exes hate me :P
I have to agree with Amanda - there's a reason they're exes. After I broke up with mine, it became objectively apparent that he wasn't actually the sort of person with whom I'd choose to develop, much less keep, a friendship. He wanted to hang out and keep in touch, and was (allegedly) devastated by our parting. He got over it pretty quickly, though - two months after we broke up, I and my harem of faghags (!!) spotted him in the arms, groin and mouth (mild exaggeration) of his new beau at Mardi Gras. Dressed in matching hyper-synthetic lyrca tank-tops and way-too-tight quasi-neon-faux-snakeskin vinylwear.
It would have been cute, were they not spreading boy-thrush. *sigh*
Regardless, I was quite happy he had moved on <- that's total sincerity, by the way.
...
PS - Still alive. :o)
I follow the never-look-back mantra. SOs, friends and even distant family members are all the same in my book: once they're out, they're out for good.
I have to agree with Carmi on this one. I can't imagine having coffee with most of my Ex's, much less taking them bra shopping. Interestingly, I had a brief fling with my kids' principal when he and I were both in high school. It's rather humorous now. Hubby and the kids love to tease me about it. I just tease back and say that the kids need to know the real reason why their grades are so high... and then I say, "Remember what happened to Luke Skyewalker? Well, that was nothing..."
I find the weirdest one someone is friends with an ex-spouse. I seem to meet men that are "still best friends" with their ex-wife. WTF? IF you are best friends surely you could have worked it out!
I am friendly with my exes but not friends. They are exes for a reason.
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